One of my nieces is a prosecutor and it appears that she developed an eye for inconsistent statements early.
My mother had a way of calling the refrigerator an ice box, as did many of her generation. When she did, Niece J would very politely remind her “Grandma, you don’t have an icebox.”
When the phone rang in the middle of dinner preparations, my mother would turn down the burners before padding into the living room, a la Edith Bunker, calling “I’m coming, I’m coming.”
Niece J would shake her head, and gently say”Grandma, they can’t hear you.”
I wonder what Niece J would say about her Aunt V last Sunday.
I took a giant step toward the 21st Century and got a router so I can set up a wireless network in The House of Mars. Network? Ha! It’s a network of one device, my laptop. I still don’t have a smartphone or tablet, but I’m looking forward to checking my email, or writing blog posts from out on the deck.
I had no problem setting up the router but I must have done something wrong in setting a network name and password because I kept getting an error message advising me I had the wrong security key. So I called Optimum, my internet service provider. As I feared, a computer-generated voice interrogated me with multiple choice questions, none of which fit my dilemma. The closest choice to my problem was Unable to access the internet.
I chose it, and (n-o-o-o-o-o-o!!!!!!!), I found myself talking to the computer-generated help lady. Now I’d spoken to this lady before, so I knew her spiel, and that she’d be useless in helping me with my problem.
“NO, NO,” I yelled into the phone. “REPRESENTATIVE ! REPRESENTATIVE!”
On she went, asking me irrelevant questions to diagnose my problem. I pounded on the # key (ha ha pounded on the pound key) Someone once told me that pounding on the # key could get you to a real live person. It didn’t. As soon as I let up on the pounding, she kept asking me questions
I know it was a delusion, but I imagined someone, there in the background, would actually hear me. So I yelled louder and pounded harder
Finally I got a different voice, a male – not a real one, but at least it wasn’t her!
“Please hold, we are transferring your call to an agent,” “he” told me
Agent, I noted, I should have yelled AGENT!!!!!!
Finally a very patient, real, flesh and blood, young man, er agent, (real, as in flesh and blood) came on, set my network name and password for me, and voila, I’m now effortlessly wireless and loving it.
All’s well that end well but it ‘s good that prosecutor niece J wasn’t here. I can imagine her looking at me with pity and whispering “Aunt V, they can’t hear you.”