She Can’t Hear Me Either   4 comments

One of my nieces is a prosecutor and it appears that she developed an eye for inconsistent statements early.

My mother had a way of calling the refrigerator an ice box, as did many of her generation.  When she did, Niece J would very politely remind her “Grandma, you don’t have an icebox.”

When the phone rang in the middle of dinner preparations, my mother would turn down the burners before padding into the living room, a la Edith Bunker, calling “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Niece J would shake her head, and gently say”Grandma, they can’t hear you.”

I wonder what Niece J would say about her Aunt V last Sunday.

I took a giant step toward the 21st Century and got a router so I can set up a  wireless  network in The House of Mars.  Network? Ha! It’s a network of one device, my laptop. I still don’t have a smartphone or tablet, but I’m looking forward to checking my email, or writing blog posts from out on the deck.


DSCN1521Thanks to Rudy Router, this post  is the first to come to you “cable-less.”



I had no problem setting up the router but I must have done something wrong in setting a network name and password because I kept getting an error message advising me I had the wrong security key. So I called Optimum,  my internet service provider. As I feared, a computer-generated voice interrogated me with multiple choice questions, none of which fit my dilemma. The closest choice to my problem was  Unable to access the internet.

I chose it, and (n-o-o-o-o-o-o!!!!!!!), I found myself talking to the computer-generated  help lady. Now I’d spoken to this lady before, so I knew her spiel, and that she’d be useless in helping me with my problem.

“NO, NO,”  I yelled into the phone. “REPRESENTATIVE ! REPRESENTATIVE!”

On she went, asking me irrelevant questions to diagnose my problem. I pounded on the # key (ha ha pounded on the pound key)  Someone once told me that pounding on  the # key could get you to a real live person. It didn’t. As soon as I let up on the pounding, she kept asking me questions


#### ####

I know it was a delusion, but I imagined someone, there in the background, would actually hear me. So I yelled louder and pounded harder

Finally I got a different voice, a male – not a real one, but at least it wasn’t her!

“Please hold, we are transferring your call to an agent,” “he” told me

Agent, I noted, I should have yelled AGENT!!!!!!

Finally  a very patient, real,  flesh and blood, young man, er agent,  (real, as in flesh and blood) came on, set my network name and password for me, and voila, I’m now effortlessly wireless and loving it.

All’s well that end well but it ‘s good that prosecutor niece J wasn’t here. I can imagine  her looking at me with pity and whispering  “Aunt V, they can’t hear you.”









Posted July 14, 2014 by virginiafair in Uncategorized

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4 responses to “She Can’t Hear Me Either

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  1. Oh, how I hate talking with those recorded voices that can’t hear us!!! So glad you actually got an actual person on the line in the end 🙂 Being wireless rocks, doesn’t it?!
    PS Should I start to call you ‘Edith’ now? LOL

  2. while Ii laughed at pounding the pound key, next time try pounding the 0 key, works much better. Also, to get a real person, try mumbling replies to the robot voice, especially when it asks for a yes/no answer. If it recognizes that you answered, but it didn’t understand the answer it will soon (after 3-4 tries) decide it’s at fault and transfer you to a real person for “clarification”. Then that real person will listen to your problem and promptly transfer you to . . . the same phone number you originally called, and the same robot!

  3. Very clever. It makes me think about the use of words, which I love. I just discovered if you click on the little ‘speaker’ on your smart phone when you look up a word in the dictionary, it will pronounce it for you. It makes me laugh every time I do it.

    Susan Schefflein
  4. I love it Aunt Virginia! I remember Grandma always calling it an icebox!!! Love you!

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