It used to be that I’d see a lone person talking a mile a minute walking toward me, and I’d quickly cross the street. Then cell phone headsets happened and it became an everyday occurrence. Of course if I always assume it’s a cell phone conversation it leaves me open for a full out attack by a truly insane person. After all, didn’t we grow up being told only crazy people talk to themselves?
If that’s true, I think I’m in big trouble. Lately I’ve been hearing a voice, a familiar one – my own – speaking to no one in particular, and what’s even more upsetting, it’s out in public.
Still, I think I could defend myself in a sanity hearing. Most of the sights that prompt my conversations are worthy of comment, for all the wrong reasons. You’d comment too. Is it my fault there never happened to be anyone with me?
Do you mind if I run a few past you – just in case I have to defend myself in a sanity hearing someday? I’ve documented the scene of the conversation – with photos. You be the judge, do you think they’d stand up in a sanity hearing?
Saturday, October 27. A special sale outside Stop and Shop
Saturday October 27 check out at Wal-Mart.
Extenuating Circumstances: I had just passed another tabloid proclaiming Queen Elizabeth was also at death’s door. I hope the court will absolve me for not getting a photo of that one
The next two instances took place in the privacy of my home, with no one to witness, but troubling just the same:
The morning of Monday October 29. Watching all day storm coverage of the approaching Hurricane Sandy (before we know what we were in for,) The local news station’s traffic report let us know that the Bronx River Parkway was closed in lieu of Andy.
In my book, also called a dictionary, in lieu of means instead of. So was the parkway closed instead of Sandy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Exhibit #4 A
A Sunday in November. Watching Sunday Morning on CBS. A segment about a man who wrote a book on How to Sharpen a Pencil. Odd as this was, my question had nothing to do with the book. He’d mentioned where his studio was but I couldn’t quite make out what he’d said.
It took me a minute for the name of the town to register. What’s disturbing is I couldn’t just let it go.
I actually answered my own question.
I rest my case. These all occurred within a couple of weeks and since then – nothing. Maybe it was just a fleeting spell. Maybe I’m over it.
But should you happen to come upon me, one day, and I’m talking to myself – I’ll understand if you cross the street.